Dick Pond/Nonsense Totebag

I saw the best totebag today. A young lady was wearing it in addition to another totebag that was really a purse, but it was a really big purse, big enough to be called a totebag. The cool one said:

Reduce-Reuse-Recycle.

DICK POND
www.dickpondathletics.com

Where the shoe is always at a discount. (their emphasis not mine)

Where to start?! Have you ever seen a more incongruous mish-mash of phrases? (if so, please let me know. In totebag form.)

Let's start with word one - Reduce, written on her second tote bag. This tote bag gave her the ability to carry two totebags full of crap. Two! The only thing she's reducing is the amount of totebags she does not have.

Skipping ahead, past the other "eco" words, I'm gonna jump right to Dick Pond, because it's the best part. I thought this was a great gay vacation spot in Montana, and I was right. It's a pond in the shape of a dick in Montana. Montana - gay country.

It's also an athletics corporation/catalogue. The point is, Dick Pond. Clearly, Taint Lake was taken. Also a hot vacation spot.

My point is, Dick Pond. It's a real thing, and it's Dick Pond, and it's on a totebag. Dick Pond.