Friday, June 10, 2011

Reuniting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Well, me and Maple-leaf met back up at the unemployment office. It was awkward at first, but I broke the awkwardness but standing somewhat near him and neither confirming nor denying his presence. I did a lot of looking at him and then looking away as he looked at me. Boy, I wonder what those people thought of me being so aloof with that horse. We were in a big line.

"Oh! that horse just farted," a beautiful woman said, holding her nose and retching.
"Nope, that was me," I countered. You gotta take the fall for your buddies sometimes. Plus it really was me. "Nice to meet you. My name's Ron, I think you're beautiful, and I'd like to take you on a date." I couldn't be sure what she was saying through the vomiting, but I'm pretty sure it was yes. No one could refuse a line like that. "Nice one, Ron," I thought in my mind. Then, in my mind, I gave myself a high five.

Usually, when I think something about a woman, I'm dead wrong. Sometimes I think they're men. Sometimes they are. Then, in those cases, it's not even an issue of me thinking something wrong about a woman, it's just a general lack of attention to detail. So that's a different issue.

But this time I was right. I gave myself a bunch of high fives in my mind for that. We had a date. The trick is, I just stayed with her in the ambulance after she passed out from the smell. I brought her food from the hospital cafeteria and told her about myself as she slowly regained consciousness. It was perfect. Ok, sure, I shouldn't have farted again. That maybe wasn't perfect. But no date is perfect.

A few medical shifts later, she came to.
"I've been keeping you hydrated," I said. Shows that I care.
"Thanks. I didn't know I could even drink water," she said. I hid the tube.
"I read on your chart that your name's Darla. Sounds like a corny country singer's name." Boy, I have to hand it to myself - I can really lay on the charm.

It wasn't long before security escorted me out, but those several hours before she could hit the panic button were magical. You can't win them all, but I consider this one a win. Just because it ended doesn't mean it was a waste. Also I don't care that she ended it as soon as she was lucid enough to realize who I was. The important thing is she loved me, probably. At least by accident in a coma dream, I bet. Anything can happen in those.

Maple-leaf was waiting for me outside. They wouldn't give a horse unemployment. (I tried to tell him that. Horses don't pay in to unemployment insurance while they're employed, so how could they receive it when they're not? Use your brain, horse.) We barked philosophically about injustice, the universe, and the tendency of chaos to create order, at least in the feeble mind of mortals. I farted again, but this time there was no long line around to suffer a "trampling catastrophe," as the press so unfairly called it. I would've called it a trampling inconvenience, leading to a date. But they never tell the little guy's side of the story.

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