Friday, July 15, 2011

Sleep Tips

A few tricks I've learned to combat insomnia:

1. Drugs. Drugs are your friend. If a stranger offered me some, I would take them. I don't care what parents say. If you want to sleep and there are drugs around, chances are they will help. The chances are about 50% - you don't know if it'll be an upper or a downer. If it's an upper, not necessarily bad. Those can be a lot of fun if you like cleaning your house like your life depended on it.

2. Breathing exercises. Try doing a sleeper hold on yourself. It stops you from breathing. You'll wake up refreshed, alert, and probably bruised because you hit your face on the night stand on the way down - the night stand, or the floor. I've done both. Also woken up in the fridge. Don't get bored and then see what there is to eat while you're putting yourself in a sleeper hold.

3. Teas. Don't drink them. You'll have to pee. Peeing is the enemy of sleep. Sleep has many enemies. Among them, peeing is number one. Others are loudness, brightness, things that bite/fear, and work. Work is the easiest one to get around.

4. Exercise. This one I don't know. Everybody keeps telling me I should exercise, but I don't know where my sleep muscles are or how to work them. Must be some place I can't see. If you wanna buy a gym membership, go ahead.It's your money. Gym memberships are for suckers. That's my point.

Take any of my tips and you'll be sleeping in no time. And you won't be wasting money on a useless gym membership. Just run and do push ups at home!

Thus concludes my first entry on workouts.

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