Thetans

You may laugh at the idea of a Thetan - a robot soul that goes to outer space after you die that Scientologists made up - but it is real. Believe me, someone from outer space.

And you wanna have yours clean. How do you clean it? Well, first you have to go to a place of Scientology - a Scientodome I call them - and then, they'll take your Thetan out from behind your soul and send it up to a space car wash where they specialize in Thetans. Unicorns work there. Doo-biddy-doo-biddy-boo.

What do they do, you ask? First they pick at the gunk on your Thetan with their horns, and then they use their delicate tails to buff it. Then they puke on it for wax.

That's gonna be one hot-lookin' Thetan when they're done with it. You can pull up to stop lights and race other Thetans. Most of them will back down because yours is clearly a winner, based on its shiny, pristine appearance. "That's a hot Thetan," you're opponent will say.

If you'd like to know more about Thetans, you can go here. But trust me, it's just a robot soul.