Survival

I've been trying hard to keep this under wraps, but here goes: I'm joining a survivalist resistance. Not for the reason you think - survival - but because I'd really like to lure a woman into a bunker, tell her there's a nuclear holocaust happening, and then Uh oh! We have to repopulate the planet. NO kids though. I don't need to be tied down. After we make it outta here there's a whole world out there for me to live in. I can't be tethered to a bunch of drooling little flesh piles like some ... tether ball. I've gotta be free! Of course, she'll say,
"But the world's all gone," to which I'll say,
"Well, let's take a look."
Then I open the door.
"Hey look! It came back again!" I exclaim with glee, having already gained my prize. See, the thing is - no nuclear holocaust ever happened.

I feel a little guilty about that, but here's how I rationalize it: I wanted to. See? - easy to rationalize.

Plus, if we did have kids, what are our kids supposed to do? Keep populating? Gross! You can't repopulate the world with just two people. Because your kids cannot procreate. Not in my house. And my house is the world now because everything else has been annihilated. So no - repopulation begins and ends with me and your mother. Go find something else to do kids, not procreate, not incest. Gross. Gross gross gross gross.